


The Nuclear Option

by EternalSurvivor



Category: Naruto
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Adoption, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, Family Dynamics, Family Feels, Fluff and Humor, Food Pranks, Heart-to-Heart, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Parent-Child Relationship, Slice of Life, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:55:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 14,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22625164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternalSurvivor/pseuds/EternalSurvivor
Summary: “Kakashi, why is our bed booby-trapped with a child sleeping in it?”Where else was he supposed to comfortably stash the seven-year-old he impulsively whisked away from evil's slimy, conniving clutches? Definitely not the bathroom.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Umino Iruka & Uzumaki Naruto & Hinoko, Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 276
Kudos: 563





	1. The Pancake Option

**Author's Note:**

> This idea grabbed ahold of my mind and refused to let go until I started writing it. So I presented to you with the hopes it will worm its way into your Naruto and KakaIru loving minds as much as it has mine. Once we get past the initial set up I hope to make this a fun-filled, slice of shinobi life, family romp. 
> 
> Let's hope it stays that way. I'm going to set the chapter count at fifteen for now but I honestly have no clue how long this one will be. Either way, I hope you all enjoy my new story. Let me know what you think. <3

“Kakashi, why is our bed booby-trapped with a child sleeping in it?” 

The jounin in question paused mid-pancake flip. Iruka was home from the Mission Desk right on time, wonderful. And here he’d been banking on some extra time to come up with an appropriate explanation. The love of his life was nothing, if not punctual. “Mah, well Sensei, you see…” Rubbing the back of his head, Kakashi trailed off awkwardly. 

The silence stretched thick between them. 

He could almost picture Iruka in the kitchen doorway, arms crossed over his chest, waiting expectantly for an answer Kakashi wasn’t sure how to give. It was in moments like this he cursed his lover’s village-bound career choice. Dealing with pre-genin all day gave Iruka a terrifyingly magnificent iron will. It was utterly sexy up until it got frustrating. 

Kakashi's first instinct involved a shunshin and an A-rank mission to Wind Country, preferably one several weeks long. Surely Iruka would be appropriately smitten by the tiny child currently occupying their bed by then. The chance of him waking up with neon green hair lessened at that stage. 

Once a prankster, always a prankster. Iruka’s deviously creative mind captivated his heart before Kakashi knew it and kept him on his toes even three years later. 

Of course, an impromptu mission out of the country most likely meant sleeping on Gai’s couch for the foreseeable future as well. As much as he appreciated his self-proclaimed eternal rival’s dedication to their eccentric friendship, sleepovers at the Maito household was a less than favourable outcome. 

Gai’s couch was periwinkle and lumpy. 

“I’m waiting, Kakashi.” 

With a sigh, the jounin flipped the burner off and turned to face his doom. Whom he loved and appreciated very much. Reminding Iruka of his affections did little to abate the increasingly furious scowl on the chunin’s face. It was the same look that finally had Kakashi agree to cohabitation last year. “A lost kitten followed me home?”

Iruka raised a brow. “And demanded pancakes?” 

“No, those are for me.” 

“...For you?” He really couldn't blame Iruka's doubt. Pancakes were his least favourite breakfast food. He just wanted something to keep his hands busy while he complied a believable story for their sudden child acquisition. 

“There’s enough if the bed goblin wakes up demanding appeasement.” 

Iruka pinched the bridge of his nose. “You’re deflecting again.”

“I like to think of it as creative avoidance.” 

The vein in Iruka’s forehead looked  _ awful  _ close to popping. “Kakashi Hatake if you don’t tell me what the heck is going on you’ll be picking fire ants from your boxers for the next two months so help me-”

A sickening  _ crack  _ startled both shinobi. Kakashi stared down at the broken spatula with a blank face, a piece held white-knuckled in each hand. “It seems we need a new egg turner, Sensei.” 

“Kakashi.” Tanned hands covered his own, slowly working the pieces from his death-grip. Had his hands been shaking this whole time? “Please talk to me. We’re partners, I want to help.” 

Concerned brown eyes searched his face when Kakashi finally got the nerve to look up. Sage, he loved this man so much. “He called her Soku.” 

Sitting the broken spatula aside, Iruka drew him into a seat at the kitchen table. _“Arrowhead?_ Is that an ANBU codename? I thought they only used animal affiliations. Wait-” Kakashi could almost see the cogs turning in his lover’s head. Iruka looked underneath the underneath with frightening clarity sometimes. “Who called her Soku?” 

Kakashi grasped his slanted hitai-ate, fingers digging into the metal. It did little to delay the memories, brought back to him in vivid clarity from Obito’s Sharingan. “Danzo Shimura.” 

“Fucking shit!” The chunin cursed, his face paling. That single name was enough to slot the haphazard pieces into a perfect puzzle. He knew about Tenzou's past, how he and Kakashi became friends, the threat that man posed and the power he craved to wield. "That bastard isn't getting his hands on another child as long as I'm alive!" A hand raised to the sensei's mouth, a sign he already began planning. That deviously creative mind worked in the more disastrously beautiful ways. “If we use my archive clearance I’m sure we can-”

"I love you." The confession flew from his lips before Kakashi even realized he'd spoken. 

The chunin and jounin stared at each other in wondered awe. “What?” Iruka whispered breathlessly, disbelievingly. They never spoke of love, of what their union represented. His mouth opened and closed silently several times. Iruka’s adoration shined through without a word needing to be spoken. Tears brimmed in his eyes as he cupped Kakashi's face tenderly. 

The jounin lost himself in those beautiful russet depths.  "Marry me." 

“I- …yes.” Delighted astonishment lit up Iruka's tanned face. Tears choked his words. “A million times yes, Kakashi.” 

His mask was dragged down to his chin and in the next instant, a pair of familiar, warm lips pressed insistently to his own.  Kakashi revelled in the affection Iruka always gave so openly, willingly, trustingly. Drawing the chunin close, he nipped at his bottom lip until he gained the access he sought. Iruka tasted of Ichiraku ramen and home. 

“I couldn’t leave her.” 

Iruka smiled, reassuring and understanding, as he did every time the jounin did something reckless. “Did she remind you of Tenzou?”

He hummed noncommittally and rested his temple against his lover’s collarbone. No reason to answer when Iruka hit the metaphorical nail squarely on the head. Kunai-roughened fingers carted through his hair. Kakashi all but melted into the gentle touch. 

He acted rashly in taking the girl. It put a massive target on not just his back, but Iruka’s, Naruto’s and hers. Regardless of the danger, Iruka would give his life to protect a child. Maybe Kakashi had grown soft for brats now that he had a genin team of his own. His precocious students were quite adorable, after all. 

Another tender kiss was pressed to his lips. “We’ll figure this out together,” Iruka assured him gently. 

Kakashi eye-smiled. “I’m sure we will.” 

“Though that still doesn’t explain why you booby-trapped the bed, Kakashi. Surely my seals and your wards are enough.” 

“Mah mah Sensei, who said I did that?” 

Iruka snorted in disbelief. “What? You’re telling me Soku-chan did that herself?” 

“Quite resourceful, isn’t she?” 

“Wait, WHAT?!”


	2. The Reunion Option

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse the brief break in our regularly scheduled humour. There's a tiny, traumatized child currently booby-trapped in a bed to address. Humour shall commence next chapter.

It took far too long to disarm the startlingly devious booby-traps around their bed. Normally, Iruka would say defences this complex were beyond the skill of a small child, but he was in love with a man who made chunin at six.  Iruka never underestimated the technical abilities of young geniuses. 

Their social-emotional development, however, was an entirely different matter. Shinobi needed the ability to lead as much as they did fancy jutsu and tactics. Formative years were essential. Children deserved to be children. It’s why he vehemently supported raising the Academy’s mandatory graduation age to twelve. 

Kakashi stopped two kunai from puncturing his carotid artery while Iruka disabled the last trap. “Mah, Soku-chan, it’s impolite to maim the host.” 

“I like, didn’t know that Hatake-san!” The little girl protested.  How long had she been awake? Only her outline could be made out in the dim light filtering through the window and- wait, Iruka knew that voice. 

“Hinoko?” Not quite trusting his own judgement, Iruka hit the light switch. The room brightened sharply and there she was. The orphaned pre-genin transferred from his class a month into the new school year. The one supposedly removed from the Academy due to a civilian adoption. Iruka’s face paled. Lies, it was all bull-faced lies! “Oh, Hinoko!” Overwhelmed with the urge to make sure she was okay, the chunin reached for his former student. 

Head of messy brown hair, light blue eyes and a round face still chubby with baby fat. No denying her identity, this was, without a doubt, Hinoko.  “Iruka-sensei!!” The seven-year-old sprang to her feet, half bouncing off the bed in her haste to get to him. 

His arms were suddenly full of shaking, crying child. Small arms wrapped around his neck, tiny legs hugged his waist. Clutching Hinoko to his chest, Iruka rubbed soothing circles into her back when she started to cry. “Shh, it’s okay Hinoko, you’re safe now.” 

“Iruka-sensei, it’s really you, right? That evil man isn’t like, trying to genjutsu my brain again right?” She babbled quickly. Hot tears zig-zagged down her cheeks. “Hanabi-chan didn’t get her byakugan gouged out, right? A-and Moegi-chan has like, all her fingers and toes right? And Udon-san-” 

Anger burned inside the chunin. Who used genjutsu on a seven-year-old?! How  _ dare  _ Danzo Shimura harm one of his precious students? He pushed the rage down in favour of comforting Hinoko. “Your classmates are all safe, there’s nothing to worry about.” Glancing at Kakashi over Hinoko’s shoulder, Iruka motioned to him with a flick of his fingers. 

Pausing momentarily, the poor jounin floundered. He was completely out of his depth when it came to a crying child. Hinoko had a habit of acting overly mature and aloof when she felt threatened. This display most likely differed greatly from the little girl Kakashi whisked away from Sage knows where. 

“Do you know how to break a genjutsu?” Kakashi stepped behind Iruka so Hinoko could see him. One gloved hand settled on the small of his back. 

Hiccuping, Hinoko nodded and folded her fingers into a ram seal. “Iruka-sensei taught me.” 

Kakashi’s visible brow arched towards his hitai-ate. “Did he now?”

“Hinoko surpassed the standard curriculum so I taught her a few genin skills.” Iruka dealt with young geniuses on the daily. Keeping them engaged was part of his responsibilities as an Academy sensei. 

“Iruka-sensei is like, the best ever, Hatake-san.” 

“He definitely is.” Eye-smiling, Kakashi mimicked her ram seal. “Show me how he taught you.” 

Concentrating on her fingers, Hinoko’s brows furrowed as she flared her chakra quickly. “Kai!” 

“Kai.” Kakashi’s much more potent chakra rippled across the room, almost engulfing Hinoko’s. The bedroom remained the same. Iruka still held Hinoko in his arms. Kakashi remained beside them. “There, no genjutsu.” 

Giving the room a quick once-over, the pre-genin’s shoulders slumped in relief. She scrubbed tears from her cheeks. “I-I can see that,” she mumbled with her cheeks puffed out sullenly. “Why am at Iruka-sensei’s? Are you two like, married?”

“We will be soon.” Despite the situation, Iruka couldn’t stop a giddy excitement from bubbling up inside him. 

“Hatake-san said this was my new home.” Hinoko chewed on her bottom lip, bright blue eyes shifting between Kakashi and Iruka hopefully. “So like, are you two going to be my dads then?”


	3. The Plotting Option

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please allow the humour and plotting to commence as a certain beloved blond makes his entrance.

“What were you thinking, Kakashi?” Iruka paced before the kitchen table, back-and-forth so many times he lost count. An excellent way to ware a hole in the floor. Wouldn’t accomplish much else though, especially not calming down a certain anxious chunin. “You can’t just pick up an orphan randomly and move them in." 

Ah, pot calling the kettle black. “You did that with Naruto.” 

Iruka opened his mouth furiously, then promptly snapped it shut again. “That’s not the same and you know it.” 

Kakashi’s visible brow raised. “Oh? Is our favourite knuckleheaded genin _not_ currently occupying the spare bedroom?”

“He moved himself in there!” Iruka dropped into the chair across from Kakashi, air temporarily blown from his sails. “After what happened with Mizuki, he was so worried. Naruto has such a big heart, I couldn’t tell him no.”

The jounin knew very well how much a certain jinchuuriki fretted during Iruka’s recovery. They’d sat side-by-side while their mutually favoured Academy sensei underwent surgery. For some reason, Iruka thought getting up and walking around after taking a fuma-shuriken to the spine not the least bit reckless. Kakashi chalked it up to the shock, pain and his unexplainable urge to constantly reassure Naruto.

Regardless of the reasons why, because of that lapse in Iruka's otherwise spot-on judgement, he got to watch Minato-sensei’s son sob and blame himself for the entire debacle. Kakashi comforted people as well as he tolerated children.

Badly.

With prejudice most times. 

And yet…

Naruto cried himself into an exhausted sleep in Kakashi’s lap while the jounin awkward patted his hair and back. That birthed a peculiar, fragile bond between them before either knew their paths would cross more intimately as jounin sensei and student. After that, the kid started spending nights under the guise of caring for Iruka and just... _never left._

It took a concerning amount of time for Naruto to realize Iruka didn't live alone. 

In the kid's defence, Kakashi _was_ gone on missions a lot. That didn't excuse the narrow-eyed, _'I just swallowed a lemon'_ look he got from his adorably irritating student when he barged in on them butt naked one morning. 

Naruto quickly grew to appreciate the art of knocking. 

"Kakashi, a-are we really going to do this?" The uncertainty, the hesitancy, the _hope_ in that question zeroed his attention back on his fiance. Reaching for his hand, Iruka tugged off his fingerless glove. Calloused fingers traced his palm. "Do you want to adopt Hinoko?" 

"I think that ship has sailed, Sensei." 

"Yes, but are you on board or still water-walking behind the stern?" 

The implication lingered heavily between them. _Are you sure? Are there any regrets?_ Kakashi never wanted children. What tiny soul deserved something as dysfunctional and broken as him for a parent? _You can't protect anyone._ The little voice still niggled in the back of his mind, a constant reminder of his sins. No matter how much he bled and served Konoha, atonement remained unobtainable. 

Friend-Killer Kakashi.

Cold-Blooded Kakashi.

_You destroy everyone you love, Hatake._

One infuriatingly stubborn chunin flipped that assertion squarely on its head. Then two persistent jounin held it down and a rag-tag team of rookie genin obliterated it. And how, a little seven-year-old held the potential to start rebuilding the pieces into something better.

Kakashi laced their fingers together across the table. "Throw me a life-preserver, Iruka."

He saw a flicker of understanding in Iruka's eyes, then fond acceptance. The Will of Fire burned bright in those russet depths. "Naruto too," he persisted unwaveringly in his devotion to the young blond. "We're going to ask him. He needs to know he always has a place in our family." 

Yes, there was a strong possibility of that stipulation from the start. Kakashi already took it into account. "He already adopted you, Sensei." 

"Yeah well, I'm adopting him back. We both are officially if he agrees, he and Hinoko. There’ll be two of them. Siblings." 

"Yes, Sensei."

"Which means we need to get married," Iruka said flatly. 

"That was the plan."

"As soon as possible, Kakashi. It'll increase our appeal on the adoption applications." 

"The registry office opens at nine." Kakashi eye-smiled.

Iruka's brows lifted. "You're scheduled to meet Team 7 at eight." 

"Mah, guess the team’s going on a field trip." 

Iruka chuckled. Oh, how beautiful a sound it was. It filled the hole inside Kakashi, plugged up the leaks to make him feel functional, almost whole. Like this entirely, impulsively selfish situation actually had a chance of working. "I'll get the kids, you grab Gai and Tenzou-"

Their bedroom door bounced on its hinges with a bang as Naruto bellowed. "Whaaaa?! Iruka-sensei's a little girl!! I warned you not to play with those wonky ole seals, Sensei!!"

"I'm like, totally not Iruka-sensei you blind dolt!" Ah, their darling little daughter-to-be was awake.

"What did you call me, Pipsqueak?!" 

"So you're blind _and_ deaf? How did you earn that hitai-ate with such obvious incompetencies?" 

"...Incompawha-? Hey! That's my kunai!" 

"You're clearly like, lacking the knowledge to appropriately handle shinobi weapons. It's safer for me to hang onto-"

"I don't care, it's mine ya know! Gimmie that back!" 

“No!"

"Yes!" 

"Not happening!!"

"Give it here!" 

"Make me!" 

"Why you little-!! IRUKA-SENSEI!!!"


	4. The Sibling Option

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how exactly does this family dynamic thing go...?

"Whaddaya mean you're adopting her?!" Naruto's voice pitched higher with each word. He thrust a finger in Hinoko's face. "Why would you want a pipsqueak like that?" 

"At least I don't like, lack basic shinobi skills." 

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei's doing his best as a teacher. Don't knock him cause he'd all pervy-"

"Hakate-san is a prodigal genius-"

"ENOUGH YOU TWO!" 

Kakashi watched from his spot at the kitchen table as the man he loved tongue-lashed their newly claimed hellspawn into the floor. Something about teamwork, open communication and everyone having different strengths and weaknesses. The chunin's tone was somewhere between Academy Sensei lecturer and Mission Desk exasperation. Slightly different, but not completely foreign. Just an octave closer to concern than anger. 

Ah, this was Iruka's _parenting voice._

How adorable~

The kids visibly wilted, like Mr. Ukki when he forgot to water the poor plant. Small feet shuffled, heads hung low in shame. Apologies were mumbled however reluctantly. Naruto buried his face in Iruka's stomach. Hinoko glared daggers at Naruto's back. With an abrupt turn, their seven-year-old-not-quite-daughter promptly inserted herself in Kakashi's lap. 

Every one of his brain cells aptly screeched to a grinding halt. 

The gremlin, either oblivious to his discomfort or just uncaring (most _definitely_ the latter), dug her tiny hands into his shinobi blues and tucked her head beneath his chin. 

And that- 

He couldn't-

Why would she-

Hinoko pouted, bottom lip quivering ever so slightly. 

_Oh._

_She's jealous,_ his mind supplied helpfully. Almost instinctively, he looked to Iruka for direction. The incredible, inhuman chunin sensei who single-handedly wrangled thirty pre-genin solo every day surely had all the _little child_ secrets.

Iruka and Naruto both gaped at him in open-mouthed surprise. It was moments like this, had he not been smooshed to Kushina's pregnant belly multiple times in half-choked bear hugs, that he thought Iruka truly was Naruto's father. Kakashi supposed, in every way that mattered, he already was. 

Still lacking guidance in regards to his lap leech, Kakashi caved and patted her head awkwardly. Seemingly satisfied, Hinoko all but melted against his chest with a contented sigh. The ends of her messy bun tickled his chin through the fabric of his mask. 

Naruto and Iruka occupied the two remaining chairs just as Hinoko popped her thumb in her mouth. All eyes centered on the little girl. She didn't seem to care about the extra attention. Her lashes fluttered, heavy-lidded. Within minutes she dropped off to sleep. 

Head tilted in contemplation, Naruto studied her round face. His pensive, thoughtful expression seemed out of place when he was normally grinning wide enough to dimple his whiskered cheeks. With delicate, surprising insight, the genin declared, "you're gonna be her dads, right?"

Iruka visibly startled, eyes wide with alarm. A well-placed hand on his shoulder prevented the chunin from launching into a winded explanation. Naruto didn't understand a lot of things, but he did people most of the time (an amalgamated mess of a gift inherited from Minato-sensei, Kushina and Iruka).

He didn't need placation, just the truth -simple fact and nothing more.

"We are." 

Naruto's face scrunched up. Arms crossed over his chest. Processing, thinking, internalizing. "Well," he concluded after much internal deliberation. "I've never had parents and I guess Hinoko hasn't either. So it's good she's getting an awesome dad like Iruka-sensei while she's so little." A pause, then he added, "I guess Kakashi-sensei'd be alright as a dad too." 

If Kakashi didn't love his adorable student so much, he would've strung the globin up by his ankles. "Thanks for the vote of confidence," he deadpanned. 

"You're welcome." 

Cheeky brat. 

"...Naruto," Iruka's glassy-eyed gaze shifted between them. He reached for the blond's hand. "We want to be your parents too if you'd like that." 

Though Kakashi was a genius, it didn't take one to see how that caught Naruto completely off-guard. "I- But- Wha?" He stuttered and stammered through the shock, words nothing more than half-formed thoughts not quite making it to his mouth. Pale-faced, he looked around the kitchen as if to check if this was some kind of joke or genjutsu. 

(If it was, he'd be stuck in it for _months._ Naruto sucked at detecting genjutsu.)

"Why?" Tears brimmed in his eyes. "Why would you want me? I mean, I’m nothing...” _but a monster._ The rest of the sentence went unspoken but still weighed heavily between them.

The jounin and chunin shared a look over the blond's head. Iruka nodded encouragingly. 

The answer Kakashi gave was simple. "Because we love you." 

That's all it took. 

Naruto managed a nod and burst into tears. 

Iruka moved with speed that would make most jounin jealous and wrapped Naruto up in a tight hug. The genin wailed into his shoulder, clutching his former teacher in touch-starved desperation. 

It took surprisingly little effort to arrange the four of them on Iruka's small sofa. With Naruto held firmly in his arms, the chunin leaned into Kakashi's side. 

The jounin wrapped an arm around his lover's shoulders. The motion and noise jostled Hinoko awake. The little girl blinked in bleary confusion, thrown as she was from seeing the boisterous blond in tears. "...Why's he crying?"

Kakashi eye-smiled. "Your big brother is just happy." 

Hinoko's eyes narrowed then abruptly widened as realization struck. "Oh." She patted Naruto's head awkwardly as Kakashi had her own. "I've never like, had a brother before. I don't know what to do with one." 

Naruto scrubbed the tears from his cheeks. "S'okay, I never had _any_ family before." 

"Don't worry." Iruka somehow managed to cuddle them all closer. "We’re going to figure out how to be a family together." 


	5. The Attendants Option

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's a wedding without some witnesses, right?

Gai answered the knock to his window in rumbled pyjamas with some truly horrifying bedhead. “Rival! Are we to pair for a mission this glorious day?” 

“That’s not-” Kakashi paused. Hm, that could work in his favour. “Yup! Our team’s meeting at the registry office in half an hour.” 

“Excellent!” The grin Gai shot him was almost blinding in the predawn light. He’d be seeing spots long after he and Iruka tied the knot. “Does our glorious excursion require anything special?” 

Kakashi eye-smiled. “Wear your best jumpsuit.” The love of his life was sure to appreciate the extra effort. 

“Understood!” His efforts were rewarded with an enthusiastic thumbs up. “I’ll be there ten minutes early or I’ll run five hundred laps of Konoha blindfolded!” 

Kakashi hesitated for a split second, then shrugged. Mah, he'd be fine if he stuck to the parapets.

“I knew I could count on you, Gai.”

* * *

Huffing, Sakura folded her arms on the bridge railing and dropped her cheek atop her hand. Kakashi could see that pout ten yards away. “Kakashi-sensei’s late _again_ and Naruto didn’t even come! How dare that knucklehead not bother to show up! What makes him think he’s so special? We were here on time, right Sasuke-kun?” 

“Hn.” Came the less than enthusiastic response.

His lone kunoichi student had excellent chakra control and a knack for genjutsu, but he really had to get her head out of the clouds. Maybe something to focus on? Fuuinjutsu required pinpoint chakra control. He just so happened to be tying to knot with village's resident Fuuin Kekkai expert. 

Ah, the unforeseen benefits of marriage. 

Cheeks flushed, Sakura fluttered her eyes at the poor Uchiha. “We should really take advantage of our time alone, Sasuke-kun~” 

Ew, cooties. 

No wonder Sasuke looked like he swallowed a lemon. “I’ll pass.” 

And _that_ was Kakashi’s cue to intervene.

He appeared before them in a whirl of leaves. Sakura jumped back, visibly startled. To the girl’s credit, she didn’t screech. Look at that, progress!! Balanced upon the railing less than an inch from where his pink-haired gremlin leaned seconds before, Kakashi raised a hand in greeting. “Yo!” 

“Kakashi-sensei, you’re late!” Sakura screeched. A small finger jabbed at his flak jacket. “Where have you been?”

Kakashi was struck, not for the first time, just how tiny his adorable genin were. Was he that small at their age? He most certainly never _felt_ twelve. Not that he knew what it meant to be a kid. Childhood passed him by. Genin at five, chunin the next year, jounin at twelve, ANBU at thirteen. 

Well, childhood didn’t so much pass him by as it flew so far over his head it hadn’t even registered on his radar. 

Clasping gloved hands together, he smiled at the sweet ankle-biters. They truly were growing on them, even if Sasuke was pricklier than Iruka before his morning coffee. “A cute dolphin needed help wrangling a fox and kitten.” 

Sakura deadpanned. “That’s not the least bit believable, Sensei.” 

“Are we training today?” Sasuke’s impatient drawl interjected. Impatient with just a hint of superiority. “Waiting for this team every morning is a waste of time.” Ah, his tiny Uchiha was in full-on avenger mode today.

Wonderful.

“You’re the ones who decided to remain idle while waiting.” Kakashi pointed out pleasantly enough. If a hint of sharpness snuck in around the edges, well it _was_ his wedding day. Chalk it up to pre-ceremony cold feet and all that whatnot. “You could've been sparring with Sakura.” 

The stiffening of Sasuke’s shoulders showed the boy picked up on the carefully hidden hard edge to his tone. “Like that would do me any good.” 

Sakura visibly deflated. Head lowered, pale-green eyes downcast. A good dose of rejection may temporarily bring her head back to the ground but it did little for her low self-confidence or Team 7’s cohesion. 

Minato-sensei was probably laughing from the afterlife over how well karma bit him in the ass.

“Maybe it would, maybe it wouldn’t, but it definitely would benefit your teammate. In return, she could’ve given you pointers on water walking. That way you wouldn’t come out looking like a drowned duck every practice.” The more he spoke, the more robotically cheerful his voice pitched. By the end, both genin stared at him in wide-eyed terror. Was he projecting again? Oops. At least the munchkins had some food for thought now. 

“How about a field trip?”

* * *

“Senpai?! What’re you _doing_ up there?” Tenzou sounded more put-upon than surprised. “Did you break in here again?” 

Pride weld up in Kakashi’s chest. His kohai had grown so much over the last few years. “Can’t a former-ANBU visit his favourite underling?” 

“Not if it constitutes disarming several layers of wards, explosive seals and deadly poisons!” Pulling his lynx mask off, Tenzou clipped the porcelain to his belt. By the looks of it, he was coming off guard rotation. Perfect timing. “The Commander knows you’re the one doing this. She’s already threatened me with S-ranks in Swamp Country. Please stop getting me in trouble.” 

“But Tenzou, I couldn’t leave my adorable kohai out of the most important day of my life.” Twisting around, Kakashi landed gracefully before the exasperated ANBU. 

“Senpai, the release of _Icha Icha Paradise’s_ graphic novel doesn’t constitute-”

“Iruka and I are getting married.” 

Kakashi expected a variety of colourful reactions from his beloved kohai -from surprising screeches to disbelieving laughter. Even for Tenzou to check for a fever. Being yanked into a bear hug didn’t crack the top twenty. Kakashi stiffened, not because he didn’t appreciate the gesture, but because it was so unexpected. 

Tears brimmed in Tenzou’s eyes when he finally stepped back. “When’s the ceremony?”

Still thrown, Kakashi quickly checked his internal clock. “In about twenty minutes at the registry office.” 

“I’ll be there.” In a flash, Tenzou was out of his ANBU armour and reaching for the crisp, green flak jacket he hardly ever wore. 

“You don’t mind being Iruka’s witness right?” 

“Of course not. He’s just as precious to me as you are, Senpai.” Uncertainty furrowed Tenzou’s brows. “...Should I wear something more formal?” 

“No, come as you are. You’re family after all.” 

* * *

Kakashi’s head shook as the memories from his last dispelled shadow clone returned to him. The sensation left him momentarily queasy. How did Naruto do it so damn frequently and in such volume? 

“Everything okay?” Iruka spared him a brief glance before his attention shifted back to the children.

Besides his clone lecturing Sasuke and Sakura into pensive silence? Yup, everything was perfectly, wonderfully fine. “Everyone’s on their way.” Leaning against the door casing, Kakashi watched the chunin fuss with Hinoko’s braid. Iruka’s own hair hung in a neat plait over his shoulder. They matched at Hinoko’s request.

“We better get going then.” Iruka smoothed back Naruto’s blond spikes affectionately. How the love of his life beat Naruto down to _just_ orange pants, he'd never know. Iruka worked small a miracle where their favourite knucklehead was concerned. “Wouldn’t want to be late for our own wedding.”

Even just dressed down in his normal shinobi blues, Iruka looked radiant. “I’d get lost on the road of life with you any time, Sensei.” That got him a hearty laugh so Kakashi dared to lean in for a kiss.

A chorus of fake retching noises from the peanut gallery spoiled the moment. 

Kakashi groaned. 

This was going to be a thing now, wasn’t it?


	6. The Wedding Option

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for the lovely Figgyfan14. They are getting married today so consider this a wedding gift. It seemed appropriate and the timing was too perfect to pass up. 
> 
> I hope you and your lovely spouse sincerely enjoy your special day.

Their tiny party caused enough commotion at the registry office to almost get them thrown out. Because Kakashi, his oh-so dutiful groom, told _no one_ but Tenzou what was truly transpiring. Gai cried manly tears. Sakura’s mouth dropped open, working uselessly. Tenzou did a double-take when Kakashi introduced Hinoko as his daughter. Even Sasuke’s eyes widened a fraction. Then he and Naruto started to squabble, Sakura yelled at Naruto for bothering  _ Sasuke-kun  _ and Gai began an exuberant tirade. 

(Something about Tender Affections, Youthful Dedications and the Blossoms of the Heart.)

Killing Intent rolled from the registry official’s office. A silent warning to  _ shut up _ or  _ get out.  _ Damn it, they needed to do this  _ today  _ before Danzou caught on or Hiruzen summoned him to share a not-so-innocent cup of tea without anything to back up Kakashi’s reckless decision-making.  _ “My lover stole us a daughter because you’re an abhorrent judge of character with horribly misplaced faith,”  _ wasn’t going to fly with the Sandaime Hokage.

...Maybe  _ omitting  _ the finer details was the right call. Kakashi had excellent instincts, after all.

Dialling his Teacher Voice up to ten, Iruka bellowed over the commotion. Two minutes later found four professional shinobi hunched under his verbal tirage and Kakashi with hearts in his eyes (because he uncovered the sharingan to record this entire fiasco for some reason). At some point, Hinoko worked her way comfortably into Tenzou’s arms. The two watched the scene unfold with morbid fascination. 

These were their most precious people.  _ Pack,  _ as Kakashi would say. Iruka knew vaguest hints of the Hatake clan’s ancient connections to dire wolves. Kakashi spoke rarely of the father he barely remembered and even less about the clan customs and history that passed with him. 

The exchanging of the vows itself when off (surprisingly) without a hitch. They swore fealty to each other, Konoha and the Hokage. Tenzou and a heavily crying Gai vouched neither came to the union under duress, that they were loyal citizens whose lineages proved no threat to the village or citizens when joined. 

One check for genjutsu later (apparently mandatory with the sharingan involved), he, Kakashi, Tenzou and Gai signed their names on the marriage document and sealed it with bloody thumbprints. 

“Are the attending minors your children?” The aging lady behind the registry desk asked sweetly. If that killing intent from earlier as any indication, she was no simple civilian. She dried the blood and ink with a small futon jutsu. Definitely a former kunoichi. 

“Ah, Hinoko and Naruto are.” Iruka’s placed a hand on the kids’ shoulders. “Sasuke and Sakura are still family, though.”

“I see, that’s excellent.” The sweet-faced registry official made a quick note in the margins. “With the signing of this document, the village of Konohagakure no Sato officially recognizes you and your progeny as separate clans no longer, but Hatake in name and repute-”

“Wait a minute,” Iruka stammered through the surprise. The visible portion of Kakashi’s face paled. His new husband clammed up. Perfect. _Wonderful._ He had to deal with this mix-up himself. “We hadn’t planned to all take the Hatake surname-”

“The Hatake Clan is in danger of extinction.” A massive tome of rules and regulations banged on the desk. The registry official dug through the dusty pages like Bisuke burying a bone. “Bylaw 23, subsection 14-A, as declared by the Nidaime Hokage, Tobirama Senju, himself,” she turned the thick book around. The entire bridal party crowded in to read. “and I quote,  _ ‘Matrimony to clan members of a dwindling population shall encompass all relative parities into the clan proper.’  _ Congratulations on your nuptials. Please submit an updated family tree within the week.” Slamming the tome shut, she pushed the Hatake genealogy scroll into Kakashi’s stiff hands. “Now make it official with a kiss, gentlemen.” 

“But Hinoko and Naruto aren’t biologically-” 

“Nonsense,” the registry official tutted dismissively. “The girl has Kakashi-kun’s eyes and the boy clearly shares your lovely smile, Sensei.” 

Iruka’s mouth opened in protest.

“The children possess dear Iruka-sensei’s affectionate nature!!” Gai suddenly declared before he could get a word in edgewise.

Kakashi blinked once, then twice. He eye-smiled and his shoulders relaxed. “Naruto _is_ a lot like my darling Iruka was as a child. Such troublesome pranksters both of them.” 

_ Wait, what?!  _ The chunin floundered, face turning red. “Don’t tell him that!” What had gotten into them? Jounin typically weren’t  _ that  _ eccentric. 

“I am?” The blond brightened excitedly. “He was?!”

“And that love of ramen,” Tenzou added with a wry smile. “Like father like son.” 

“Hinoko was fortunate enough to inherit my genius.” Kakashi patted their little girl lightly on the head. 

“I like, come by it naturally,” Hinoko declared proudly.

“Kakashi, this isn’t-” And then it hit him. This negated so many problems, completely eliminating the messy process of adoption. Spelling out so bluntly their familial affiliation was bold, but putting their family square in the open tied the council’s hands. All eyes would be on them. As uncomfortable as that thought was, it meant no underhanded moves could be made against their little family. 

It was so crazy, it just might work. 

Tears brimmed in Iruka's eyes. Without thinking, he grabbed his new husband by the shoulders and planted a kiss right on his cloth-covered lips. “Genius indeed!”

The registry official’s eyes twinkled. “Problem solved, Kakashi-kun?” 

Sasuke’s eyes flickered in understanding. Sakura and Naruto remained confused, but that was okay. He didn’t expect rookie genin to follow jounin logic. 

“I don’t get it!” Naruto wailed.

Ignoring their newly-claimed son, Kakashi inclined his head to the register with respect. “I suppose so, thank-you Commander.” 

“Nonsense, pup.” she waved off the gratitude, though her lips turned up in a brief smile. “I haven’t given you a command since you were fourteen. Wet behind the ears little fool you might have been.” She looked the wedding party over a final time. “Regardless, it seems you’ve done quite well for yourself. Now get the heck out of here. Your pack’s caused enough commotion for one day and it’s barely ten.” 


	7. The Compound Option

The Hatake family compound remained uninhabited for over a decade.

At thirteen, Kakashi was accepted into ANBU, then Minato-sensei and Kushina died and he never looked back. A few well-placed jutsu reserved most of the structural integrity and prevented unwanted critters from squatting in the cupboards. Still, the old home required a ton of maintenance before it was considered habitable. 

Tenzou’s mokuton came in quite handy where repairs were concerned. Instant wooden fixes with such a lovably gullible kohai around. Their newly acquired daughter proved herself quite the bossy know-it-all. Tenzou’s near-instant attachment to the girl provided Hinoko with ample fodder. She wrapped Konoha's sole living mokuton wielder firmly around one petite finger.

The brat came out of renovations with an entirely brand-new, princess-themed, wooden bedroom. Complete with castle-shaped vanity and a double-sized canopy bed. Pink, purple and periwinkle -damn it Gai stop making _suggestions-_ painted the walls a surprisingly cozy pastel. 

Naruto’s room was ramen-themed and orange. 

So. Much. _Orange._

“I was thinking blue with a cream trim for our bedroom, what do you think Kakashi?” 

The question earned Iruka a firm, mask-clad kiss square on the mouth (and a chorus of _Ewww Dads_ from the peanut gallery). Thank the Sage he married a man with some decorating sense and the balls to shout Naruto and Gai into compliance. 

The only thing worse than orange was pairing it with neon green. 

(Kakashi's poor sharingan would never be the same again. May Obito above forgive him.)

A thick coating of dust covered, well, _everything._ Naruto took a step through the front door and promptly sneezed up a dust cloud. Their adorable son truly did nothing part way. “Oi, Kakashi-sensei, don’t you have like a dusting jutsu or something we can clean this up with? You must’ve picked up at least a few handy jutsu with your sharingan.” 

Yes, when being chased down by a hoard of S-class missing-nin, Kakashi made sure to inquire about personal cleaning tricks. “It doesn’t work like that.” 

“I bet it would if you tried,” Naruto muttered under his breath.

Hinoko threw the windows open with Iruka’s help. “A cleaning jutsu isn’t impossible just like, improbable.” 

“Eh?” Naruto’s face scrunched up. He wrung out the rag being used to scrub the kitchen cupboards. “All you gotta do is blast everything with water then dry it with some wind. How’s that in-probably?”

“Improbable, Naruto.” Iruka’s voice carried from the living room. “It means something isn’t likely to happen but there’s still a slim chance.”

“That’s what I said, Iruka-sensei,” the blond whined with a pout. Head hung, he sulked silently on the step ladder Tenzou crafted for them. 

“It may be a little crude but the idea’s like, not half bad.” Hinoko tapped her lips in thought. Kakashi could almost see the gears turning in that pretty little head. Terror and pride filled him in equal amounts. “Some kind of futon and suiton combination maybe?”

“Like a typhoon!!” Naruto threw his arms up, almost knocking over the cleaning bucket.

“Exactly like a typhoon, actually. Combining futon to suiton chakra makes the water churn like a vortex. It greatly increased the damage and surface area of a jutsu, but nine times out of ten, it’ll spin out of control.” Kakashi pointed out helpfully. Ah, teamwork was such a beautiful thing and the kiddos were learning! “Alternating the two would be more efficient.” 

“We couldn’t cage it with another jutsu?” Curiosity hung thick in Naruto’s question. 

“Now _that_ is impossible.” Hinoko stretched up on her tiptoes to slid a stack of plates into the newly clean cupboard.

Kakashi hummed happily, unable to keep the cheery edge at bay. “Maybe for _us…”_ Silence from the living room made it obvious Iruka was listening in on their conversation. It seems his beloved husband was holding out on their little ankle-biters. Naughty Sensei~

“No, for like, _anyone,”_ Hinoko countered curtly. 

“Is that so?” Kakashi’s gaze drifted to where Iruka now leaned against the kitchen door. Oh, sweet summer child. Ye of little lived experiences. Beautiful, innocently naive daughter of theirs. Fall in reverence before the brilliance that is the fuuinjutsu expert Iruka Hatake. 

“It could be contained with a barrier seal if the correct base scripts are included in the calligraphy.” Iruka offered the idea with a soft smile and gentle precision. The chunin was all for teachable moments like these. The genuine pleasure he took in educating the next generation was evident. Iruka was a true teacher to his very core. 

Hinoko and Naruto shared a brief look then burst out laughing.

“Naw! No way!”

“That’s funny, Iruka-sensei.” 

Iruka stiffened, smile gone ridged at the edges. “Is that so?” The chunin’s eyebrow twitched. He fingered something in his pant’s pocket-

Kakashi took a calculated step back. 

-then slapped a seal to the flood between their goblins. Twin squawks got cut off as a bubble barrier ballooned, engulfing both kids inside it. 

“Wonderful work as always, Sensei.” Slipping an arm around his husband’s shoulders, the jounin watched with fascination as both Hinoko and Naruto slowly realized what happened. Faces paled, then the anger and panic set in. Whatever the kids yelled, however, was blocked by Iruka’s barrier. 

The chunin rapped his fingers on the transparent barrier. “Been fiddling with silencing scripts lately.” There was that wickedly creative mind at work again.

Kakashi recognized the hand seals their fuming son was making before he completed the sequence. Shadow clones were a bad idea, Naruto. They’d do nothing but squash Hinoko, then fill the barrier with smoke when they popped- yup. Just like that. “Can I have a few of those for my adorable students?” 

“Fire ants in your boxers, Kakashi-”

“Nevermind, Dear.”


	8. The Slumber Option

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because getting used to living with three other distinct individuals is a work in process, we get situations like the following occurring sometimes. :)

Kakashi waited two whole weeks into their new living arrangement before calling it. Hinoko wasn’t just a bed goblin, she was a bed _hog._ Which, in Kakashi’s opinion, was even worse. 

If he woke up with cold toes in his face _one more time,_ someone was going to be running laps around Konoha with Gai. 

At the crack of dawn. 

_On their hands._

Their adorable little daughter wasn’t so adorable after all. No, the brat was quick-witted and cabal. Kakashi would be prouder if it wasn’t interfering with his sleep (something he didn't get that much of to being with).

It was one thing for a seven-year-old to come knocking on their door at two in the morning, rubbing big, blue-grey eyes with claims of nightmares. Iruka would croon and cuddle her between them. Watching his husband sleep curled around Hinoko warmed Kakashi in ways he hadn’t thought possible. 

So as much as he disliked having a second bed partner, he tolerated it. As Iruka said, time to stop water walking behind the stern and get on the parenting longship. They were in this crazy, sappy, domestic family thing up to their eyeballs, but they were in it together. This was their daughter, _their_ family. It was more than Kakashi felt he deserved. 

So yeah, tiny cold toes in places they weren’t supposed to be.

Hinoko wormed her way into their bed and Kakashi went with the disturbance. 

It was completely different when _Naruto_ tried to play the nightmare card. That kid slept like the dead. If the dead snored loudly and stretched out like a starfish that is. Fluttering eyes and wobbling pouts were much less effective on a bombastic, twelve-year-old genin than the much cuter sister Naruto loved to hate and hated to love. 

Yet again, Iruka proved his inability to truly tell Naruto no. Three bed partners were two too many. Their bed wasn’t built to be a family affair. 

(He made sure Tenzou bypassed making a king-size for this very reason. Excuses come what may.)

Then came the morning he woke up with Bisuke’s tail in his mouth, Bull drooling on his crotch, and Shiba snoring in his ear. The bed called shenanigans, went on protest, and promptly cracked under the combined weight of twelve.

The worst part of it all?

Tenzou didn’t _believe_ him.

Oh, his adorable kohai fixed the bed frame for them, sure. Suspicious, side-eyed glances and mutters of _perverted senpai_ and _Ichi Ichi finally rotted his brain_ under his breath made it obvious what Tenzou concluded. 

If only he was that lucky. 

Until he got their beloved ankle biters to _stay in their own damn beds,_ Kakashi Hatake was officially on a sensei-imposed dry spell. “Kakashi! The ninken are here! Hinoko’s next door! What if Naruto hears?” 

Abstinence did _not_ suit Kakashi of the Sharingan: Master of a Thousand Jutsu, thank you very much. 

How did couples get alone time enough to conceive more than one spawn? 

Iruka and he hadn’t even consummated their marriage yet! 

In the end, having eight ninken proved to be the solution. Send the munchkins to bed with a doggy or two and _presto!_ No more little feet in his face and all the naked Iruka-sensei he could ever hope for. There was just something about all brown skin splayed bare against his green shuriken quilt Kakashi could never get enough of. 

They consummated the hell out of their marriage, repeatedly, in some very creative ways.

(Damn he loved Iruka’s deviously sharp mind.)

The ninken started bed duty on a rotating schedule, just in case they were needed on a mission. It became fairly obvious which canines enjoyed their new task more than the others.

It wasn’t really a surprise when Uhei, his only female ninken, suddenly went missing from group summons. Kakashi found her curled protectively around Hinoko every night he looked in on his newly-claimed daughter.

He raised a brow at Bisuke’s absence the first few times. Then the jounin returned from a mission to find the runt of his pack tucked contently to Naruto’s side. Ah well, he could make do with six. Keeping his progeny safe was a noble duty for any of Hatake ninken to dedicate themselves to. Especially if it stopped the munchkins from interfering with his sex life. 

The day Shiba went AWOL, Kakashi put his foot down. 

At least that’s what he planned to do. 

Seeing the canine guarding a sleeping Iruka in his stead promptly doused any irritation the jounin hung onto. “Iruka-sensei gets lonely when you’re gone,” was the only explanation Shiba needed to give.

The Hatake were always a pack compromised of humans and ninken. Long before Konoha and the Warring States, there were Hatake and their canine companions.

Kakashi couldn’t shake the sense this was how it was always meant to be.


	9. The Nursing Option

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're going to take a bit of a detour onto Fluff Avenue for the foreseeable future. Humour will still be here, but not as present. Just... the direction this story decided it wanted to take. My sincerest apologies for that. OTL

Toppling into his handsome husband’s loving embrace was an experience Kakashi never grew tired off. Seeing Iruka Hatake shirtless and sleep-rumpled was just as wonderful as dropping straight into those strong arms. The chunin’s hair framed his face like a halo, beautiful and other-worldly. The sun rose with his smile. Birds sang his praises. Stars twinkled just a little brighter. 

Even scowling and cursing, Iruka radiated angelic beauty. 

...Though Kakashi wasn’t sure if that was love or chakra-exhaustion talking. His sharingan conjured up some pretty trippy images when his tank got this low. 

Ah!  _ That’s  _ why little hearts circled his better half’s head. 

_ Absolutely adorable~ _

“Mah Sensei, I’ve fallen for you all over again.” He stretched the syllables in a sing-song tone. Literally. He dropped right into the sensei’s arms. 

The newest  _ Hatake-san _ had wonderful reflexes for a chunin.

They’d have to put those to good use later-

“Kakashi Hatake, why the heck didn’t you go to the hospital?” Ah, there was Iruka’s _Teacher Voice_ on full display. 

Damn, that was sexy. 

Kakashi pouted and got a mouthful of cloth. That just wouldn’t do. So he yanked the constricting material down and moued. “Only my beautiful family can heal my soul~” Kakashi dared to push up his hitai-ate. The love of his life came into sharp, pristine focus with the sharingan’s assistance. Exhaustion tugged at his senses, his already empty chakra reserves straining to accommodate the dojutsu. 

“Are you trying to kill yourself?” Iruka smacked a hand over the sharingan. “Healing your soul won’t do you any good if you die on our bedroom floor.” 

“The view is better here,” he leered, visible eye half-lidded from exhaustion. All that tanned skin stretched endlessly for  _ days.  _ So smooth and supple~ He wanted to get his hands all over this sexy beast he got to call his husband-

Iruka pulled on a shirt just to ruin his fun. Kakashi refused to accept any other explanation. “Come on, into the bed you go.” Iruka wasn’t just fast, he was strong. The chunin could throw him around like a ragdoll when he let him. 

“Take good care of me, Sensei~”

“You irresponsible idiot-” His husband groaned somewhere to the left of him. “No point in yelling at you now. You won’t remember a damn thing like this.” The bed dipped with Iruka’s weight as calloused hands, illuminated with healing chakra, curved over his head and down his chest. Goosebumps shivered along his skin. Iruka’s touch relaxed him in a way a medic just couldn’t. “I hope you’re ready for an earful in the morning, Hatake.” 

Kakashi wiggled his eyebrows but kept the sharingan tightly shut. “Can I get a mouthful too?” 

“Oh, you’ll get a mouthful alright.” A pillow smacked him in the face. “With chakra-exhaustion this bad, how the heck are you still lucid enough to talk?”

Kakashi pulled the pillow down enough to pout again. “I missed you and the goblins.” 

An exhasperated, yet found sigh huffed into his hair. Muscular arms closed around his waist, drawing Kakashi back into a warm chest. “I missed you too, now go to sleep Kakashi.”

As chakra-depleted as he was, Kakashi didn’t need to be told twice.

* * *

There was a weight on his stomach much too tiny to be his husband and decidedly not fluffy enough to be a ninken. Cracking an eye open took more energy than trying to tunnel through Hokage Rock. (That was definitely a challenge he and Gai were  _ not  _ attempting for a third time.) Exhaustion pulled at his limbs, weighed his eyelid down a hundred-fold. 

Curiosity should’ve killed him five times over by now. Somehow, he and the metaphorical cat continuously dodged the bullet. 

The weight shifted. A tiny elbow caught him in the ribs. Kakashi grunted at the jab. Then, the slight heaviness was gone and a head of wild brown hair entered his line of sight. Something wet dripped onto his bare cheek. 

Ah, his favourite little goblin was here-

Kakashi blinked, trying to bring her face into focus. 

-wait, was she crying? 

“...Hinoko,” he rasped weakly. Damn, the chakra-exhaustion was hitting him hard. Everything ached from his toes to his hair roots. “Wha-?”

A high-pitched whine cut him off. “Otou-san, you’re awake!” Hinoko flung herself at him with a sob. Tiny arms encircled his neck. A tear-damp face pressed to his bare shoulder. 

Kakashi stiffened. Everything went blank and still for a split second until he managed to reboot his brain.  Had she just-? 

Hinoko called him- 

_ Otou-san…  _

_ Father.  _

The word repeated on loop in his mind. Panic crawled up Kakashi’s spine. His fingers flexed, the hot button impulse to shunshin the heck out of there impossible with his chakra so depleted. His chest constricted on the inhale, making breathing suddenly difficult and not for the little girl crying into his masked ANBU shirt. 

He wasn’t on board any longer. Kakashi wasn’t even water walking behind the damn stern. The life preserver Iruka threw him broke. Water pulled him under, drowned him on the stark reality that one word brought into vivid focus.

_ Father.  _

Hinoko hiccuped between sobs. “Iruka-sensei said you were back, but like, you wouldn’t wake up. It got _sooo_ bad if someone didn’t wake up with Danzou-sama. I-I didn’t know what to do...” 

Forcing his internal panic down, Kakashi wrapped his arms around Hinoko with what little strength he had left. “Here is safe,” he stated firmly. 

“I-I know,” she sniffled. One damp cheek rubbed against his shirt. “I like, reset my traps when I crawled in with you.”

“That’s my girl.”


	10. The Academy Option

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the lack of any updates lately. I have been very sick (not COVID-19) and in no shape to write anything. :(

The tiny hand held snugly in Iruka’s tightened like a vice. Anxiety buzzed through their little daughter like a shaken wasps’ nest. Kakashi could see it even tucked discreetly away in his favourite tree (the big oak just outside Iruka’s classroom window). 

“My classmates, they’re like, all going to be excited to have me back, right Iruka-sensei?” Hinoko chattered away like a broken record. She was a nervous talker, just like Naruto. Their newly adopted kiddos had alarmingly more in common than Kakashi thought possible. “I mean I’m so awesome how could they not?” 

“Exactly,” Iruka grinned down at the little girl, his smile as bright and welcoming as Naruto’s. “I’ll be right there the entire time.” 

Returning to the Academy after three weeks lounging around the Hatake Compound must feel surreal for Iruka and Hinoko. Even though his husband and daughter held themselves with firm pride, Kakashi easily spotted the rigid tension in both their shoulders. 

Hense his occupation of The Oak™ while his adorable genin team chased Tora through the market district. That demonic feline would keep them preoccupied (with his shadow clone supervising of course, responsible Jounin sensei he was) until at least lunchtime. 

“Do you think they’ll like, ask where I’ve been?” Kakashi's keen hearing picked up the slight quiver in her voice. Definitely nervous. It’d be cute if he didn’t feel a similar anxiety crawling up his own throat. Perhaps his residence outside his beloved husband’s classroom window was for his own benefit as much as theirs.

Ah, food for thought at another time. 

A  _ much _ later time. 

“They will.” Iruka was never a man for beating around the bush. He didn’t talk down to his students, opting instead for simple, honest explanations. 

“What do I tell them?” 

“What do you want to tell them?” The chunin countered, hand remaining tightly gripped around Hinoko’s. Kakashi knew a simple touch from the warm-hearted spitfire was enough to ground the most high-strung of tiny nightmare hellions. 

Their daughter paused in consideration before responding.  _ Good girl, weigh the options, make the best decision.  _ That’s what good shinobi did. It’s what sets potential squad leaders apart from the regular forces. As a Hatake, Hinoko would be expected to excel more than she already did. 

“That I didn’t want to leave but I totally had to,” she started slowly. It glossed over the bitter truth without being an outright lie. The best covers lanced a bit of authenticity amongst the falsities. “But I’m back now! I’m going to study hard and like, become a kunoichi worthy of being a Hatake.” 

Kakashi could hear Iruka’s approving hum. “Well, we need to take the first step.” He motioned to the Academy’s double-doored entrance. The words were a gentle nudge, both metaphorically and physically. 

“Right.” Grasping Iruka’s hand tightly in both her own, Hinoko clung like a particularly stubborn burr. “Right, I totally got this.” She nodded, unwaveringly determined. 

_“We’ve_ got this,” Iruka corrected gently. Tension bled from Kakashi’s frame like blood from a lacerated carotid artery (oh, that was a lesson to teach his adorable genin. How to efficiently slice major arteries with kunai). 

Pulling  _ Icha Icha Paradise  _ from his breast pocket, Kakashi settled back against the tree trunk. His new husband totally had this. Iruka held the key to the mysterious inner workings of young children’s minds. Kakashi knew for a fact that was territory not even Inoichi Yamanaka willingly ventured into. 

“Yeah! Yeah, we do.” The seven-year-old’s head turned just enough for Kakashi to see her cheeks were damp. “It... It means a lot, Sensei, thank-you.” 

“That’s what family’s for, Hinoko. We support each other.” 

“Oh.” She sounded so innocently, delightfully surprised, the realization could be taken as nothing besides strictly genuine. “So, um, am I supposed to like, support brothers over parents or vice versa?” 

_ Icha Icha Paradise _ abruptly snapped shut. The jounin’s attention completely zoned back in on his husband and daughter. Iruka’s shoulders visibly tensed. “Why do you ask?” 

“Naruto dumped cayenne pepper in the bento boxes this morning.” 

Kakashi felt both brows lift. Their favourite knucklehead must’ve done it while he had Iruka…  _ distracted.  _ Pride weld up inside him. Naruto would never be a stealth master, but he was getting more underhandedly devious. 

Just like his father.

_ How adorable~ _

“What do you say we get Ichiraku Ramen for lunch today, Hinoko?” Iruka responded smoothly. 

“I think that was like, Naruto’s intended result,” Hinoko rocked back on the balls of her feet to get a better look at Iruka’s face. “He  _ really  _ doesn’t like vegetables.” 

Iruka's resulting grin was a bit too reminiscent of a certain pony-tailed pre-genin Kakashi used to chase through the streets of Konoha dragging a paint can behind him. “Yakiniku Q it is then.”


	11. The Scars Option

“I’m like, the only Hatake without a facial scar.” Hinoko pointed out one lazy evening they were all gathered around the kotatsu. Eight furry heaters pressed to their backs, radiating warmth more successfully than the heavy blankets ever could. 

Winter fell on Konoha like genin girls did Sasuke Uchiha. 

Iruka glanced up from his grading to carefully monitor Kakashi and Naruto’s reactions.  _ Facial scars  _ did quite encompass the significance of his husband and son’s markings. He was, thankfully, young enough to not remember getting the prominent slice across his own face. He knew  _ how  _ it happened, but that remained nothing more than a dark tale finally admitted to an eight-year-old Iruka by his father.

He mentioned it to his mother only once before that, just after entering the Academy. Old enough for curiosity but too young to fully comprehend the weight his inquiry held. Kohari kept her smile when she told him, _'I_ _t doesn't matter. You're here with us. That mark's just apart of what makes you Iruka Umino,'_ but it pinched at the edges in a way that made Iruka instantly regret bringing it up. 

So he kept the questions to himself until Mizuki finally made fun of him enough to tip his eight-year-old self into stupid bravery.

His mother had been on a mission the night he asked Ikkaku how the scar came to be. His father went uncharacteristically quiet, then wove a hushed tale of desperation, kekkei genkai purges, defection, asylum and a hunter-nin’s kunai.

Iruka hadn’t understood at the time, but he did now. 

He knew how lucky he was to be alive and why Ikkaku warned:  _ 'You must never tell anyone the origins of our family, Iruka.' _

It was different for Naruto and Kakashi. His husband remembered every vivid detail of receiving that vertical scar through his eye. The story was told to him only once in whispered reverence the first time Kakashi stayed after sex. Iruka’s heart simultaneously swelled and broke that night. 

For the first time, Kakashi let Iruka hold him while he slept.

Konoha was built on the backs of shattered lives.

And Naruto -their sunshine bright boy- was a completely different matter. The whisker marks on his cheeks weren’t scars but a manifestation of the demon housed in his gut. 

Naruto’s face scrunched up, both hands rising to cover his cheeks. “They’re just a part of my face, ya know?” Kakashi and Iruka shared a look over their children’s heads. Hopefully, they wouldn't have to intervene. 

Leaning across the kotatsu, Hinoko pulled the blond’s hands down from his face. “How'd you get them?”

Naruto’s mouth dropping into a pout. “I dunno, they’ve just always been there I guess.” 

The pre-genin considered this with a hum. In any other situation, Iruka would’ve silently gushed over how much it resembled some of Kakashi’s innate reactions. “Was it the Kyuubi? You were like, born the day it attacked Konoha, right?” 

Iruka visibly paled. 

Kakashi went rigid at his side. 

_Well, s_ __o_ meone’s been paying close attention to history class.  _

Naruto squirmed, eyes downcasted. “So what if I got them from the damn fox?” He asked sullen and cautious. Iruka knew that tone. Mental preparation for rejection, ridicule, _fear._ He held his breath though, waiting to see how Hinoko would respond.

“They’re fascinating. I’ve never seen scars quite like them. Was it like, the corrosive chakra that caused them? I can’t see a little baby surviving the Kyuubi attacking them directly.”

“Uh, yeah? Yeah! They’re super cool aren’t they?” Grinning, Naruto threw his arms crisscrossed behind his head. 

“I like, think our scars show how strong we are both inside and out. At least that’s what Iruka-sensei always says,” Hinoko added after a moment of quiet contemplation. Iruka was very aware of the whipping scars littering his daughter's back. 

Kakashi eye-smiled, visibly relaxing against his side, even as Iruka’s cheeks turned scarlet. “If there’s anyone who knows about emotional strength, it’s definitely your father.” 

“That’s why he’s such an awesome dad and  _ you’re _ just a pervert, Kakashi-sensei,” Naruto pipped up and just like that the sentimental family heart-to-heart vanished. 

“I think  _ Anija _ might need a reminder of how good Iruka-sensei is with fuuinjutsu,” Hinoko declared with a shit-eating grin. 

Naruto’s face rapidly filtered through several colours -scarlet to green and then whiter than a sheet. “Well, uh, will you look at the time. I gotta go meet Sakura-chan and Sasuke-teme for some training. Don’t wanna be late, ya know! BYEE~” The genin sprang from their kotatsu and bolted for the door faster than Pakkun for a steak. 

Several ninken heads raised to watch him go before dropping lazily back upon folded paws. 

Hinoko blinked in surprise.  Kakashi shot Iruka a bemused look.  All three burst out laughing. 

It was never a dull moment with Naruto Hatake around. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A tragedy took the lives of twenty-two people where I'm from. It's rocked everything I've ever known. Writing has been... difficult. Please bear with me while I try to piece my outlook on life back together. Things feel very numb rightt now.


	12. The Revenge Option

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are just... the best. Your well wishes made me cry. *sniffles* Please enjoy this new chapter as a thank-you.

“Kakashi, why are you hiding behind-”

Clamping a hand over his wonderful husband’s very attractive mouth, Kakashi yanked the chunin down into his hiding spot. The foliage covered them both with a some room to spare. The jounin held a finger to his mask-clad lips, chakra tightly suppressed. Iruka’s brows rose, but he followed suit. 

Most likely out of curiosity. 

The man was like a cat that way.

Once he was sure the subjects of his surveillance hadn’t noticed their presence, Kakashi motioned to their adorable children hunkered over an unrolled scroll on the engawa. Naruto gestured wildly with his hands, an uncharacteristically serious expression on his face. Sitting cross-legged on the other side of the scroll, Hinoko listened intently to whatever her elder brother said. Once in awhile her head bobbed in a nod.

Iruka’s brows dipped into a frown. Kakashi recognized the point-blank stare the love of his life shot him. That was Iruka’s ‘ _ you have ten seconds to explain or you're sleeping on the sofa tonight’  _ expression. “Seems Watase-kun has been saying some nasty things about us,” Kakashi explained with a hum. 

The chunin’s eyes widened, then narrowed quickly in anger. “He’s been doing  _ what?”  _ Iruka hissed furiously when Kakashi finally pulled his hand away. “I’ve already talked to him about respecting his classmate  _ numerous times _ . Oh that little-” 

“Language, Sensei~” Kakashi tutted playfully. “I think the kids have this one handled.” 

Take one precocious seven-year-old, add an unpredictable knuckle and what came out would be pure brilliance (or an utter disaster, but Iruka wanted Kakashi to start thinking more positively so  _ pure brilliance _ it was).    
  
Naruto was going over The Plan™ for the second time. Considering how quickly Hinoko picked up directions, it was an unnecessary precaution. “So we add the red food colouring to the corn syrup, water and sugar while it’s boiling, then just dip ‘em on in with the stick and let them harden.” The blond made a scooping motion with his hands over the scroll.    
  
Leaning in to get a better view, Hinoko made a surprised sound in the back of her throat and looked up at her adoptive brother. “Why do like,  _ all _ your pranks involve food tampering?”   
  
“You wanna get back at the brat or not?”    
  
“Of course I do! He totally said Iruka-sensei’s gross cause he married Otou-san!” 

Grabbing his husband, Kakashi yanked the fuming chunin deeper into the shrubbery before he could interfere. Ah, the joys of civilian-born pre-genin. They had yet to lose some of the more…  _ controversial  _ opinions inherited from their parents. Shinobi lived short lives and took happiness wherever it came from. Kakashi stopped worrying about other people’s opinions years ago.

Besides, Hinoko sounded offended enough for the entire fledgeling Hatake Clan. 

“No one insults our dads,  _ no one,” _ the little girl fumed. 

Naruto’s face scrunched up like he ate a lemon. “What’s gross is you calling  _ Kakashi-sensei _ ‘Otou-san’. He’s an icky perv.”    
  
“Says the one who like, called Iruka-sensei ‘ _ Dad-sensei’  _ yesterday!” 

Their son’s whiskered cheeks turned bright scarlet as he spluttered, “it was just a slip-up!” 

Hinoko pointed an accusatory finger at Naruto’s face. “You made Iruka-sensei snotty cry!” 

“...But that means he’s happy, ya know.” Suddenly finding his jacket very interesting, Naruto fiddled with the hem. “I think he liked it, kinda… maybe?” 

A rather wet sob next to him proved their son to be absolutely correct. Iruka blubbered like a baby when he was genuinely happy. Kakashi loved that about his husband as much as did that deviously clever mind and nurturing, open nature. 

Heck, Kakashi loved  _ everything _ about Iruka.

Even his temper.

(Well,  _ that _ was a bit of an acquired taste if Kakashi was honest.) 

“So I just… dip the onion in the candy coating and it’ll look like a candy apple when it hardens?” Hinoko reiterated The Plan™.  _ “How _ am I supposed to get Watase to eat one but not my other classmates? I don’t want Konohamaru-kun to swipe one. He’s annoying but like, he’s still my friend.” 

“Hasn’t this Watase kid been trying to steal your lunches?”

Wait,  _ what?! _ Kakashi made those bento boxes specifically so Hinoko would have a healthy, balanced diet and some little snot-nosed pre-genin was bullying his daughter-

Hinoko snorted. “Oh, he’s like, definitely  _ trying.”  _

“Well, you’ve got to  _ let _ him steal it this time, ya know? He’ll think he’s a real big shot if he’s able to get your lunch. Pretend to be upset. Make a show of it. Watase’ll dig in like you’ve given him gold or something and then-”   
  
“-revenge is  _ ours.”  _ A sly grin spread across Hinoko’s face and mirrored on Naruto’s.    
  
Kakashi half expected the little gremlins to start rubbing their hands together and cackling evilly like a cartoonish villain from a children’s fantasy film. 

Hunkered down in the bushes, Iruka and Kakashi watch their son and daughter hash out the finer details of The Plan™ like they’re making a battle strategy for war. Kakashi was sure Naruto never concentrated so hard on anything before. Hinoko hung on the blond’s every word, offering suggestions here and there, deliberating when opposing viewpoints clash.

Their teamwork was flawless. 

All over a prank with candy-dipped onions. 

Only once Naruto and Hinoko scurried away in preparation of their diabolical scheme, did Kakashi spare his husband a glance. The chunin stared at the spot their children previously occupied, unmoving and contemplative. Brown brows furrowed, mouth turned down in a thin line. Finally, Iruka caught Kakashi’s single-eyed stare. “They’re-”

“Bonding,” The jounin ended the discussion with that single observation. 

Almost immediately, Iruka’s expression softened. “Yes they are,” he relented, resigned but not particularly upset. “As all siblings should.” 

The next day -at noon on the dot- Watase’s horrified wail echoed all the way to Kakashi’s favourite oak tree. Grinning beneath his mask, the jounin saluted Iruka through his classroom window. The Academy sensei simply finished cleaning the chalkboard with a smile.

Ah, they were raising their kids right. 


	13. The Clues Option

“Mah, Sensei. I didn’t expect to see you here. How was class this afternoon?” Smiling at the confused look on his adorable husband’s face, Kakashi raised a hand in greeting.    
  
Iruka stopped short, brows furrowing in contemplation before slowly making his way over to the bench Kakashi lounged on. “Busy but good. Daikoku-sensei manned shuriken practice by himself today. Konohamaru almost stuck him in the head, so nothing new.” He leaned down to kiss the exposed skin just above Kakashi’s mask. “Have you seen Naruto? He wanted me to meet him here after class. It sounded important.” 

The jounin hummed, his visible eye curving into a smile. “What a coincidence. Our darling daughter asked to meet here as well. Something about needing help with kunai practice?”    
  
“Hinoko can hit a fifty-foot bullseye with a kunai blindfolded.”    
  
“Exactly my point.”    
  
Iruka's eyes narrowed. Kakashi could almost see the deviously creative gears turning in the former-prankster's mind. “They’re up to something.”

“Naruto  _ does _ take after you,” the jounin pointed out.

“This is your fault for indulging them, not mine,” Iruka protested. “We should’ve put a stop to that candy onion prank before they got overly confident.” 

“But Dear, but their teamwork was  _ flawless-” _

Iruka held a hand up, effectively cutting off Kakashi’s overly dramatic objection. Without a word, the chunin pointed over his shoulder. The jounin followed the motion curiously. What had their adorable hellspawn come up with this time? The anticipation was killing him-

It was just an arrow pointing to the left. 

A rather large, crudely drawn arrow that hadn’t been there thirty seconds ago, but an arrow nonetheless. 

_ Hm, _ interesting. A quick glance at the sky confirmed Kakashi’s hunch. Late afternoon. The temperature shifted with the setting sun. A shadow was cast over the neon arrow. 

“Temperature triggered invisible ink?”

Iruka’s face pinched taut, a subtle sign he was trying to hold back anger, exasperation, or a terrifyingly beautiful combination of both. “I was saving that for a steganography lesson next week. Do you know how expensive invisible ink is? The Academy’s budget doesn’t cover specialty items.”   
  
“You blew your entire ramen budget on it, didn’t you?” 

_ “Two weeks worth.”  _

Well, it seemed at least one ankle-biter was getting grounded. “I would’ve bought it for you if you asked,” Kakashi pointed out, though his mind was already puzzling through the rather blatant clue.  So Naruto and Hinoko wanted them to go left huh? Might as well get this over with. A wild goose chase wasn't going to improve Iruka’s mood, but Kakashi genuinely wanted to see what their son and daughter were planning. 

Hinoko would account for a cranky chunin sensei if Naruto didn’t.

“Just because I’m a Hatake now doesn’t mean I have to rely on your ancestors’ coffers, Kakashi.” Iruka fell into step beside him, arms folded defiantly over his chest. “I’m more than capable of purchasing extra things for my students' education.”

“Think of it as investing in Konoha’s future?” They had this conversation dozens of times before. He usually tried once, then left the topic alone. Kakashi knew better than to take on his beloved husband in a battle of stubborn wills. 

He lost every time. 

Iruka opened his mouth to argue, but stopped abruptly. His brows furrowed in thought. “Huh, maybe.” 

Wait, that actually worked?

“Kakashi look, another arrow.” 

It wasn’t just one. They found several arrows pointing towards the shopping district. Iruka squinted expectantly at each one. Naruto had experimented with skin-dyeing paint in the past, so he couldn’t really chastise the chunin’s suspicions. 

(He was in no hurry to be florescent pink again.) 

Instead, Kakashi caught Iruka’s hand and laced their fingers together. “There’s an  **X** on the  _ Emporium Karin  _ weapon shop.”    
  
Iruka took one look at the shop and shook his head. “Naruto is not getting nunchaku.”   
  
“So he’s been asking you too.

“Of course he has, but he isn't proficient enough with standard shinobi weaponry to start training with a specialty, yet.” 

“I’m sure Gai would be more than happy to give him lessons with Lee-”   
  
Iruka shot him a blank look. “Do you  _ want  _ our son running around in green spandex again?” 

“Or I could teach him?” Kakashi countered quickly.

“May I suggest something he  _ won’t _ give himself a concussion with trying to one-up Sasuke?” 

“No tonfa then.”

“No, definitely not.” 

“...Should we make sure Hinoko didn’t boobytrap the shop exit?” 

“That’s probably a good idea.” 

While they meticulously searched each nook and cranny of  _ Emporium Karin’s  _ shop front for anything out of the ordinary, a pre-teen girl slowly stuck her head out the shop’s door. “Um, a-are you Naruto-kun’s fathers?” 

Kakashi shared a brief look with his husband. Iruka’s face scrunched up to keep from crying. Kakashi could see delighted surprise shining in the chunin’s dark eyes. Naruto was telling other people they were his parents. 

“We are,” Iruka confirmed. “Are you a friend of his? I don’t think we’ve had the pleasure of meeting before.” 

“I-I’m Karin Kagura.” The dark-haired girl shifted from one foot to the other, eyes downcast. “Naruto-kun helped a-advertise my shop. I get a lot of business now.” Squirming a bit, she shoved a wrapped box into each of their hands. Iruka’s had a dolphin drawn on the side and Kakashi’s a henohenomoheji. “These are for you!” She pulled a piece of paper out of her obi. “This too!” 

Iruka took the folded note she held out to them. “Ah, thank you for your… help?”

“You’re w-welcome!” She squeaked, fell into a series of rapid bows, then retreated back into  _ Emporium Karin. _

Kakashi stared at the henohenomoheji on the side of his box. “I’m using the sharingan.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, that’s a waste of chakra.” Iruka’s reprimand didn’t stop him from gingerly shaking his parcel. “Our children wouldn’t deliberately put us in danger, Kakashi.”

“Your birthday present exploded-”

The chunin winced. “Okay, just a quick peak.” 

Kakashi yanked up his hitai-ate. Obito’s sharingan spun and-

They were just normal presents. Well, as  _ normal  _ as gifting shinobi weaponry could be. It was a bit underwhelming if Kakashi was honest. He expected a big, attention-grabbing spectacle from Naruto. Instead, he ended up with a very nice kusarigama. Iruka’s present contained blank scrolls and a high-quality calligraphy set made specifically for fuuinjutsu.    
  
Iruka turned the calligraphy brush over in his hand, in awe of the beautifully varnished wood. “Okay, the kids are  _ clearly _ planning something. What does the note say?”

Kakashi scanned the paper, then turned it around for his husband to see. “I think Hinoko wrote this one.” 

Quirking an eyebrow, Iruka leaned in to read the note for himself. Almost immediately, both brows raised towards his hitai-ate.  _ “If a sweet tooth you employ, Dango-ya you’ll surely enjoy.”  _

“Looks like we’re getting dango. Hope you’re hungry, Sensei.” 

The proprietor at  _ Dango-ya  _ greeted them with free dumplings and another note that led to  _ Ichiraku Ramen.  _

_ ‘Ramen is Iruka-sensei’s delight, Teuchi-san has some on sight.’  _

With growing intrigue, Kakashi snuck bites of the tangy nikudango he’d been gifted while Iruka munched pensively on a green-tea flavoured chadango. “They’re trying to butter us up for some reason,” his husband declared.   


Kakashi eyed his husband blankly. “But you still want the ramen.”

“Damn right I do!” 

Teuchi-san and Ayame-chan greeted the couple enthusiastically. With wide smiles, they loaded Iruka and Kakashi up with not only enough ramen to feed a small army, but another note from their darling hellspawn as well. 

Balancing three take-out bags in hand, Iruka leaned over Kakashi’s shoulder. “You might as well read it.”

_ “‘Your next clue is just a skip and a hop over at the Yamanaka’s flower shop’.  _ Mah, gardening isn’t really my forte.”

“You’ve kept Mr. Ukki alive for almost five years.” 

Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Well, actually...” 

“The plant’s fake, isn’t it?”

“Perhaps?”

Iruka pinched the bridge of his nose. “Kakashi, I’ve seen you  _ water _ it.”

“...Please don’t tell Tenzou.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a long time coming and I leave you on a cliff-hanger. Sorry about that. This chapter and the next (which I have already begun writing) are the final little arc for this story. I hope you all enjoy it. Sorry for the wait. I'm trying to get back into the writing groove after several rough months. I always appreciate my readers' feedback and support. <33
> 
> Thank you so much.


	14. The Surprise Option

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to find out exactly why Naruto and Hinoko are leading Iruka and Kakashi on this wild goose chase.

Ino and Sakura were practically hanging out the front window of  _ Yamanaka Flowers _ when they arrived. Grinning from ear to ear, Sakura waved them both over as Ino thrust two small boutonnieres out the open window. “Kakashi-sensei! Iruka-sensei! Here, these are for you.” 

The bright, yellow sunflower at the center of each floral cluster would’ve been an eyesore if not for the delicate, lavender buds, deep green leaves and royal blue ribbon that rounded out the arrangement. Kakashi could pick out both Naruto’s overzealous enthusiasm and Hinoko’s sharp eye for detail in the little corsages.    
  
“Get over here quickly or you’re going to be late!” Ino snagged Iruka’s sleeve, already tugging him down to her level. “I have to help you pin them on right.”

Iruka shot Kakashi a helpless glance over his shoulder. Kakashi just shrugged and pulled out  _ Icha Icha Paradise _ while Ino fussed over getting the little bundle of flowers pinned on just right. “And what exactly are we going to be late for girls?”

“Your surprise of course!” Sakura thrust another note out the window to Iruka. The genin practically vibrated with excitement. Their girlish giggles carried to Kakashi a few feet away.

“Our… surprise.” The chunin echoed hollowly but accepted the folded paper. 

“Duh! Why else would I go through the trouble of making two customized boutonnieres? Ah-ha, there!” Ino cheered in triumph. 

“You look so handsome, Iruka-sensei,” Sakura gushed. The lone kunoichi of Team Kakashi held great potential. Between her excellent chakra control, and a knack for genjutsu, Sakura could follow a similar career path as Kurenai if she put her mind to it. Right now though, she was just a twelve-year-old girl and Kakashi read her like a book. 

“Of course, our surprise.” Kakashi leaned down so the second flower bundle could be affixed to his flak jacket. “I’m sure Naruto told you all about it.”

Sakura rolled her eyes and just like that, started to spill the beans. “Of course he did. That knucklehead couldn’t pull this off without _my_ help. If not for Hinoko-chan I’m sure he would’ve ruined the whole thing from the very start-”

“Stop before you give away, Billboard Brow!”

“What did you just call me, Ino-Pig?!” 

“You heard me, you-”

“ENOUGH, GIRLS! I TAUGHT YOU BETTER THAN THIS!”

Kakashi watched in delight as his darling husband lectured the squabbling genin into wilted compliance. Small feet shuffled, shoulders hunched, and apologies were uttered under embarrassed mumbles. Iruka was completely in his element. Thankfully, Sakura and Ino were smart enough to still heed their former sensei’s words. All Kakashi could do was smile and hold a hand out to his husband when he finished. “Ready to go?” 

Huffing in fond exasperation, Iruka laced their fingers together and unfolded the next note. “You know, this is kind of fun.”

“The journey has been interesting,” Kakashi agreed. His thumb brushed circles over the back of Iruka’s hand. “So what does it say this time?”

Iruka skimmed the childish writing quickly and snorted.  _ “‘Don’t waste time! Tick tock, we’ll see you on Hokage Rock.’  _ If Naruto painted Sandaime-sama’s face orange again, he’s going to be grounded for a month.” 

“No ramen would be a fitting punishment,” Kakashi mused. 

His husband looked at him in mortified terror. “I said ground him, not  _ torture  _ him, Kakashi.” 

“Mah, just a suggestion.” The jounin barely managed to suppress a chuckle. Working Iruka into a tizzy, just to see his reaction, remained one of Kakashi’s favourite pastimes. “Race you to the Hokage Monument?” 

“You’re carrying the ramen then.” The chunin held the bag out to Kakashi. 

The moment he grabbed the bag’s handles, Iruka bolted. 

Oh, so  _ that’s _ how this was going to go, huh? 

Kakashi was on his husband’s heels in a matter of seconds. While there was a general difference in their power levels, Iruka always gave him a (literal) run for his money when it came to speed. The chunin had been a particularly slippery brat as a kid and remained that way as an adult. Some of their first interactions were ANBU Hound chasing pre-genin Iruka across Konoha after particularly nasty pranks. 

“Come on Kakashi!” Laughing, Iruka twisted into a strange zigzag pattern, flitting over the rooftops and up to the parapet that encircled the village. 

Kakashi shadowed him, barely half a step behind. “You’re showing off.”

The chunin turned mid-jump to flash him a playful grin. “Stop me if you can!”

_ He challenged the wrong shinobi.  _

Flying through a few hand signs, Kakashi shunshined right in front of his husband. Twisted around as he was, Iruka’s back collided with his chest. “Got you!” The jounin closed his arms around the chunin’s waist-

Smoke exploded in his face.

-and promptly found himself holding a log.  _ Substitution Jutsu. _ Well, ah, that was embarrassing. Iruka used his own move against him. Kakashi really should’ve expected that from a former prankster. 

His lovely husband laughed from a near-by tree. “Come on Kakashi, I expect better from Konoha's  _ Copy-nin _ .” 

Kakashi shoved his hands into his pant’s pockets, feigning a pout from behind his mask. “Making me work on my day off isn’t nice.” 

“A little effort never hurt anyone!” Iruka shot him a shit-eating grin, turned to leap from his tree, and bumped right into a kiss. The chunin stumbled back, clearly not expecting it. “What?” When did you-” Cutting himself off, Iruka glanced over his shoulder. The Kakashi behind him waved lazily before disappearing in a puff of smoke. Iruka groaned and scrubbed a hand over his face. “Shadow Clone Jutsu, I should’ve known.” 

“All’s fair in love and war.” 

Rolling his eyes rather dramatically, Iruka leaned in, head tilting to the side. “Shut up and kiss me again.” 

Kakashi was all too happy to oblige.

By the time they made it to the top of Hokage Monument, the sun dipped low on the horizon, painting the sky a lovely array of blues, violets, and reds. Iruka stopped to admire the view, so Kakashi lingered at his side. 

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” The chunin sighed. 

Konoha sprawled out beneath them, bathed in golden shadows from the setting sun. Vendors closed up shop. Couples walked the streets. Children played in Senju Park. Content.  _ Peaceful.  _ “It is,” Kakashi agreed softly. It was truly breath-taking. He never took the time to enjoy little things like this before Iruka and the kids.

Being a family man was making him soft.

(Kakashi was okay with that.)

This was what he fought so hard to protect. His village, comrades, friends and…  _ family. _

“Kakashi, do you hear music?” 

He pushed a bit of chakra into his ears and, sure enough, the jounin could just make out the soft twang of acoustic chords. “Sounds like a guitar.” 

“On top of Yondaime-sama’s  _ head?”  _

Kakashi shrugged. “I’ve heard worse up here.” Many shinobi did stranger things atop the former Hokages’ heads. Not that he spoke from experience.  _ Nope. _ No way. He did  _ not  _ lose his virginity amongst Nidaime-sama’s hair spikes between ANBU missions-

Iruka’s eyes narrowed into a squint. It was the kind of look he gave Konohamaru when the kid wove tall-tales to get himself out of trouble (usually after being caught red-handed). “What did you do?” 

Kakashi wiggled his brows. “I could always  _ show  _ you, Sensei.”

The chunin’s face flushed scarlet. “Don’t be lewd for  _ once _ in your life-”

“You love me~”

“I do for  _ some _ reason.” Iruka caught his hand and squeezed. “Come on, Naruto and Hinoko are up to something. Time to do some parenting.”

Following the guitar music was simple enough. The closer to Minato-sensei's stone head they got, the louder and clearer it became. By the time they rounded the last corner and jumped the civilian's guard rail, Kakashi could tell it was a recording and not live music. 

Which really only posed further questions. What in the  _ heck  _ were their adorable gremlins up to-? 

_ "SURPRISE!!"  _

Noisemakers blared and party favours popped, sending a cloud of confetti and glitter into the air. 

Iruka's jaw dropped.

Kakashi just stared with the massive take-out order still dangling from his arm. At least now he knew why Teuchi-san gave them so much.

There, surrounding a rather tastefully decorated picnic table, were all their most precious people -Gai, Yamato, Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto and Hinoko. 

_ Their family.  _

"Wha...?" Iruka stammered, already losing composure. His face scrunched up, tears brimming in his eyes. "What is all this?"

"It's your anniversary, ya know!” Naruto pipped up in his usual bombastic tone. The jinchuuriki grinned from ear to ear and threw himself at Iruka and Kakashi. 

"Did we like, surprise you? Do you like the presents?" Hinoko asked eagerly as she joined in on the hug. She bounced on the balls of her feet, almost vibrating with excitement. She'd grown so much from the small girl he spirited away a year ago. 

Wait, their anniversary was today? How had they let it slip _ both _ their minds? Patting their daughter’s head, Kakashi quickly motioned to the boutonniere on his lapel. “Mah, very bright and versatile...”

Always the astute one, Sasuke rolled his eyes. "They forgot."

“That just makes the surprise all the more special,” Sakura pointed out and snuggled into Iruka’s side.

Crossing his arms over his chest, Sasuke turned his face away. “Hn.” At least his tiny Uchiha was just in  _ anti-social brat _ mode today. Cranky or not, the kid was here. That’s what counted. Kakashi ruffled Sasuke’s hair with enough affection to earn him the coveted Uchiha Glare™. 

(Pakkun was more intimidating, but Sasuke didn’t need to know that.) 

Unable to hold in his enthusiasm another moment, Gai launched into an exuberant tirade. Complete with manly tears, double thumbs-up, sparkles and proclamations of his and Iruka’s  _ Parental Dedication  _ and  _ Inspiring Throes of Youthful, Burning Affection.  _

Thankfully, his self-proclaimed  _ Eternal Rival _ was quelled by Iruka’s ingenious quick-thinking. His husband reached for the bags of ramen and announced loudly, “well, we better set the ramen out before it gets too cold-”

“Allow me, Iruka-sensei! Enjoy this youthful celebration with your marvellous family!!” 

Kakashi handed the bags over without prompting. “Thank you, Gai.”

“Your gratitude is unnecessary, My Rival!” His oldest friend thumped him on the back none too gently. Thankfully, Kakashi acclimated to Gai's unique brand of affection in their youth. That positivity kept him going through the darkest time of his life (even if he hadn’t  _ wanted _ it to at the time). 

Tenzou clasped him firmly on the shoulder. “Happy Anniversary, Senpai,” he nodded to the chunin, “you too, Iruka.”

His husband’s bottom lip wobbled. “Thank you.” The chunin fought a losing battle with his emotions, especially with his arms still full of well-meaning munchkins. “All of you.” He squeezed the kids affectionately before letting them go. “This was a wonderful surprise, and the presents were very thoughtful.”   
  
Naruto’s chest puffed up with pride. “We put a lot of effort into this, ya know! Bushier Brows-sensei, Sakura-chan, Teme and Uncle Tenzou all helped though, so it turned out  _ extra _ awesome.”

_ “Uncle?!”  _ His adorable kohai floundered so badly, he almost dropped Hinoko. (When had she ended up in his arms again? Tenzou  _ really  _ had to stop spoiling her.)

The little girl just wrapped her arms around Tenzou’s neck to get a better grip. “You’re like, our family, so Uncle Tenzou,” she stated in the same matter-of-fact tone Iruka used to shoot down arguments before they started. 

That was that and, honestly, Kakashi couldn’t ask for his children to have a better uncle.

“Mah, guess I’ll have to start calling you Otouto-”

“Please don’t, Senpai.”

“That’s Aniki now-”

_ “Senpai, please.” _

Kakashi just eye-smiled. Oh, this was going to provide so much amusement when they took missions together. If the mischievous glint in his husband’s eye was any indication, he wasn’t the only one planning to utilize the literal goldmine Naruto just dumped in their hands. 

“Gai-sensei’s got the food ready,” Sakura pointed out. 

“Ramen!! Finally, I’m starving!” Grabbing his teammate by the hands, Naruto dragged them protesting and squabbling back over to the picnic table. Tenzou followed quickly on their heels. Whether that was to keep an eye on the rambunctious genin team or make a hasty break before Kakashi started ribbing him more, well. It didn’t really matter.    
  
The jounin was perfectly content to trail behind them with Iruka at his side. “Happy Anniversary, Sensei.” 

The chunin reached for his hand again, fingers automatically lacing through his own. “Has it really been a year already?”

“Hm, I suppose it has,” Kakashi mused softly. 

Iruka’s head dropped to Kakashi’s shoulder. “Thank-you, Kakashi.” 

He glanced down at his husband’s brown ponytail. “For what?” 

“This.” Iruka motioned to their little rag-tag family gathered together at the picnic table. Naruto already dug into a bowl of ramen, completely ignoring Sakura’s scolding to _'w_ _ ait for everyone else'. _ Hinoko lectured Gai on the  _ delicacies _ of breaking his chopsticks without snapping them in half. Tenzou passed Sasuke a dish of fresh tomatoes Kakashi didn’t remember getting with their take-out order. 

“I never thought I’d have a family again, not after my parents died.”

Kakashi squeezed his husband’s hand tightly. “I would give you the world if I could.”

Iruka chuckled wetly and rubbed some fresh tears off his cheeks. “You already did, Kakashi. When we first got involved, I promised myself I would be satisfied with whatever you gave me. I had Naruto, and sometimes I woke up with you still beside me. I thought that would be enough, but now…” 

“Are you happy?” The jounin asked quietly. He never wanted a family, not with his reputation. Friend-Killer Kakashi. Cold-Blooded Kakashi.  _ Hurt Everyone You Love Kakashi.  _ No one deserved to carry his burdens. Despite that, he was now a married man and a father of two. 

All because of a helpless little girl, one rash, very impulsive decision, and an unflappable, bullheaded chunin.

_ “Yes,”  _ Iruka whispered the word like it was a fragile dream -awestruck and enchanted. “I love you, Kakashi. I love the family we made together.” 

With the speed only an elite shinobi possessed, the jounin pulled  _ Icha Icha Paradise  _ from his pocket and flipped it open to block their faces. Dragging his mask down, Kakashi kissed his husband with all the affection words couldn’t properly convey.

“Loving you was never supposed to be an option,” he confessed with the same reverent tone Iruka used.

The chunin cradled his bare face tenderly with both hands. “Yet here we are.” 

“Here we are,” Kakashi agreed softly. “I wouldn’t trade this for anything.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy! That's all she wrote for this story!! I am satisfied with the ending. I hope you guys are too and that it doesn't feel too abrupt. I know this one didn't have any substantial plot, but we're facing some scary times right now. I thought everyone could use a big helping of fluff and happiness. So here you go. 
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone who commented, left kudos, and just enjoyed my story. I appreciate every single one of you. <3


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